


noncanonically canonical adventures of the roebuck crew

by roastingflowers



Category: The Roebuck
Genre: Abusive Parents, Angst, Arson, Assassination Attempt(s), Attempt at Humor, Attempted Murder, Bad Puns, Canon Gay Character, Cats, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Dysfunctional Family, Everyone Has Issues, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, Family Dynamics, Fever Dreams, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Gay Panic, Gay Parents, Gay Pirate Adventures, Gay Rights, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Hurt/Comfort, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Idiots in Love, LGBBQ, LGBTQ Themes, Murder, N Things, Otters, Parent Issues, Pirates, Platonic Life Partners, Pure Crack, Short, Sorry Not Sorry, Strangers, Stupidity, This Is STUPID, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Weird Fluff, Weird Plot Shit, and I mean everyone, bois being bois, but in a platonic way, dumb gay bitches, fever dream vibes, homocide, i hate this and i love it, i love our crew so i wrote this, i will commit crimes for them, in reference to the captain
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-23 09:53:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30053640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roastingflowers/pseuds/roastingflowers
Summary: hi i'm roastingflowers and i wrote this after reading a weird ass owl house/bible/dora the explorer/caillou fic and it inspired this dumpster fire of a fic. i love these weirdos and i would wholeheartedly single handedly do anything for them. have a fun read, regardless of whether or not you know who the hell these people are !
Comments: 3
Kudos: 5





	noncanonically canonical adventures of the roebuck crew

**Author's Note:**

  * For [my homies from the roebuck](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=my+homies+from+the+roebuck).



"Angel you ratchet ass hoe get off my fuCKING DESK." The five foot tall elevator boot wearing captain screeched at the taller soulless half-ginger draped over her desk like a cat. Angel opened one eye and looked at the captain with the most disdainful look she could muster, and raised her middle finger slowly. The finger, with its chipped black nail polish(Amity kinnie) was at the perfect height for Captain Jes to bite it. Hard.

In the heartbeat of a dog at the dogpark, Angels other eye shot open and they lunged towards Jes with all the ferocity of someone who just got their finger bit by a loser. "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU FUCKING WHORE BITCH IM THE ONE WHO BITES PEOPLE WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO IM GOING TO SET YOUR ROOM ON FIRE YOU CISHET BITCH DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHERE MY FUCKING FINGERS BEEN JESUS CHRIST GET A LIFE!?11??1!!???!"

Unfortunately for Angel, Jes had surprisingly very strong arms because she did "extracurriculars", and she held Angel at arms length, which looked comically like someone and their angry, hissing, clawing cat. Which is exactly what the scenario was. (Not that Angel belonged to anyone, they were a strong independent demi-girl who didn't need anyone or anything. Obviously.) Jes opened her heavy(And locked. Angel has mysterious ways. It's better if you don't question it.)door and threw Angel out by the scruff of her neck. There was a loud and annoyed "OW?", and the concerned murmur of Griffin, the ships head and only chef-for good reason, Angel tried turning on the stove and the whole kitchen burst into flames-and resident dad, that sounded from the stairs leading to the second level. Jes smirked in the smuggest, most self-satisfied way she could possibly smirk and strode to her desk to go over the plans. 

What plans, you ask?

How is Jes mentally capable of coming up with them, you ask?

I'm not sure myself honestly. All will be answered soon. I think. I'm not sure where this is going. I sincerely hope that this emulates the roller coaster of emotions that one gets when talking to gay people.

She kicked up her boots and drew her hat over her eyes. "They won't like this one." She picked up one of the random shark tooth darts that started popping up in odd places from the floor and threw it at a crude sketch she conceived the day before. It landed perfectly. As expected for someone with her skill.

**Author's Note:**

> ayo homies its me ya boi this started out as uh something and now we are here. angst?? drama??? besties it's gonna get intense trust me. this cast of characters is very unique and i'm having a lot of fun writing them, updates expected whenever i can. xo hope you like it


End file.
